Overactive middle of the night

I am up very late because my mind is being over active for this time of night. the family is asleep except for ds who i can hear in his bedroom making ahhs and oos. He has just been fed and changed (and cuddled) so he should *crosses fingers* go back to sleep on his own soon. because the adults and preteen in the household are all sleeping I am trying not to bang the keys on the keyboard to heavily. nor am I chewing my food. or making noise with the spoon louder than I need to.

I dislike being up at this time. Mostly its because I will be hungry through the "sleeping time" and eat something . this morning I'm eating apricot weetbix cereal. Its just a little earlier than i would normally eat it. I don't like this extra eating because I am obese and trying to lose weight. unfortunately this time of the few comes with little self control.

Another reason is obviously that I will feel horrible and want to have a sleep when everyone else wakes up. despite both these good reasons to be asleep at this time, I am awake and tapping away at the computer trying to vent a bit.

My mind feels quite active and excited about a potential house that I can really see myself, dp and ds living in. Its the darling house that I described in the 1st blog. Another thing I am awake over is not having a job. I want to be employed part time hours in something I can enjoy. I'm not completely worried about the pay but I would prefer to get a wage rather than volunteer because i have been a volunteer for a long time and its time to make some money.

I know i should worry more about being a mum to my ds who was born preemie in March and has been with us at home for only a few weeks. despite this I still think about being employed.

One thing that is a major barrier to employment, is my age and lack of relevant experience. I would love to be given the same chance that a high school aged kid gets in a shop somewhere, selling things. When I handed out CVs and cover letters, I got no interest (even in christmas rush time).  It was really disheartening.